THREE and FIVE, My Oh My

The kids' donut hole cake, lovingly put together AT THE PARTY but ONE OF THE GUESTS because I just couldn't quite do it all, you know? 

Birthday month is officially coming to an end at our house. We now have a big five year old and a big three year old, and I can hardly believe I've been a mama so long. 

I love birthdays and find pure joy in making our children feel spoiled on their special day. There were lots of presents, lots of balloons, lots of gifts, lots of visitors and a donut birthday party thrown in the mix. With the kids birthdays only five days apart, and the party smack dab in the middle, it felt like a very FULL week. At one point (9:30pm on Sunday night as I tended to a crying baby and Jonathan was baking a strawberry birthday cake for Anna) I questioned why we didn't tone it down a bit. But, truly, I love celebrating them and they love the attention...and so it's worth it. 

Thanks to my mama, we are now carrying on the YOU ARE SPECIAL red plate tradition which both kids loved. I let Owen have ice cream for breakfast on his big day and that will likely become a tradition. Anna, ever the responsible one, said no thank you to ice cream; she prefers oatmeal pancakes. That I can do. 

Below are some photos from their party that Jen Yau took (thank goodness she took some because I was distracted and didn't get any good ones of their party deco.) Plus Anna's five year old video and Owen's three year old video.

This year, Anna officially dropped her nap, completed her second year of preschool, went skiing for the first time, developed a deep love for water, and became a big sister again. Anna's favorite things at age four: tortellini, pizza, hot dogs, pancakes and oatmeal, her scooter, Jana Alayra, playing with Legos and her science kit, reading books, watching Dinosaur Train, playing doctor, dressing up, spending alone time with mommy, and reading. A few things she said this year that made us laugh: "If Jesus live in my heart, how does he live in all of your hearts too?" and "I'm going to biblecation school" and "Mommy, I fell asleep all curled up like a tiny little bug!" and "When life hands you lemons, make lemonade!" 

And the past year was also HUGE for Owen's development. He started preschool, learned to talk, learned to ride a scooter, moved to a big boy bed, potty trained and continued to steal our hearts with his snuggles. Owen's favorite things at age two: hot dogs, oat-a-more (oatmeal), Trader Joe's strawberry yogurt, fruit, turtles, looking at "cool cars," music class, singing in the car, the zoo, reading books, visiting the "old library," playing baby birds and doctor with Anna, being called puppy by his sister. I never want to forget the way he says "OTAY" instead of Ok, and who-see-um instead of museum, and "No thank you please" if he'd prefer not to do something. 

They say the days are long but the years go quickly...and isn't that ever true? 

The sweetest of days

There is nothing like the newborn days, both in their sweetness and their exhaustion. We're seven weeks into being a family of five and everyone—including Owen (!)—has adjusted well. Luke is currently the favorite sibling at our house, receiving nonstop kisses and hugs from his big brother and sister. Both of them always want to know where he is in the house, when he'll wake up, and when they can hold him. To be honest, I'm more than shocked neither kid has exhibited any jealousy, especially the little boy who didn't let me put him down for the first 18 months of his life. 

I'm adjusting to this big change better than I have with past babies, although the lack of sleep and lack of schedule are always hard for me. (More on that in a minute...)

When people ask how I'm doing it feels good to say that I'm happy. Nothing about newborns are easy, but this has been our easiest postpartum transition. (It helps that he's super cute. You don't even want to know how many times per week I say to Jonathan, "Isn't he the most adorable baby you've possibly ever seen?" This is usually met by a smirk of agreement and an eye roll.) 

I still worry occasionally, and over analyze his nursing patterns, and ask God, "WHEN WILL THIS CHILD SLEEP BETTER?!?" but I'm not having crying hormonal meltdowns. For the most part I feel relaxed...like I can roll with the fact that he only naps 45 minutes at a time, and nurses every two hours. (Let's just say that I'm doing a lot of feeding in the minivan, and I'm getting really good at nursing standing up while children run circles around me at the park.) 

The best part is our overwhelming happiness that stems from knowing this baby completes our family; he's the missing piece of our puzzle and with him comes a joy and sadness realizing how the baby years of my motherhood story are in their closing chapters. 

I think the other thing that has made this adjustment easier is that I have an incredible man by my side who is very much my equal partner. We make an amazing team, and I'm humbled each day as I watch how he serves our family. He works long days at the office and then comes home and helps with dinner, puts the kids to sleep and goes to the grocery store. Without his hard work I'd be drowning. Instead, I've been able to get a shower everyday, sleep when I need it, and the ability to continue recording the C+C podcast. 

Speaking of the podcast—I'll end this post with a link to the our latest episodes. Thanks for reading (and listening!) It's been a joy to record these!

Pregnancy Perspectives // Living the Balanced Life // Growing a Family Through Foster Care

The not-so-perfect engagement ring

My engagement ring has been making a strange rattling sound for a few months so I stopped into a jewelry store yesterday on the way to the beach. The kids and I were lathered in sunscreen and they rubbed their greasy fingers all over the glass display cases while I explained my concerns to the owner. "I think it's loose," I say in one breath, while lecturing the kids in my next. "Use your eyes, not your hands."  

I'd been meaning to do this boring errand for weeks, but taking two kids into a jewelry store is fairly high up on my List of Things I Would Rather Not Do, Ever.

The owner examines the ring while I play defense with the kids. After a few minutes he hands it back.

"You know there's a chip in one of the stone's corners, right?" he says. I nod. The chip, an accident, isn't noticeable to the naked eye but it's causing one of the prongs not to hold as well. "Do you remember how it happened?" he asks with some surprise and curiosity. Diamonds are known to be extremely strong stones, after all. "Maybe you knocked it against a kitchen counter or another hard surface?" he suggests.

I smile with amusement. I'm in a season of life where I'm using my hands a lot. There is cooking and cleaning and scrubbing and moving and lifting and pushing carts and all sorts of other little tasks to keep a family alive. So when he asks if I can remember such an incident, I can't help but wonder, which one?

The jeweler adjusts the prong and quickly cleans the ring before sending us on our way. It shines confidently in the morning light and I remember when I admired it for the first time.

It's been almost 11 years since my sweet man slipped the stone on my finger in front of hundreds of gawking holiday tourists in Rockefeller Center. I was so excited—shocked, really—that I didn't take a close look until a few hours later. I remember staring at its brilliance while the waiter at a fancy restaurant in the West Village poured champagne. ("Are they old enough to drink?" he was probably thinking.)

We hadn't gone ring shopping together, so my engagement ring was the first and only one I tried on. I let it catch the chandelier's light and scatter brilliance over the restaurant while Jonathan explained how he chose just the right one. Clarity and cut and size all meant nothing to me, but for a man who'd just maxed out his credit card, they meant a lot. He talked carats and letters, lengths and widths. Later that night I'd wake up from a deep sleep and reach for my left hand, making sure this valuable symbol of his affection wasn't just a dream. I even went into the bathroom, turning on the light for a peak at it's beauty before falling back asleep.

Today is our ten year wedding anniversary. That engagement ring still sits on my left hand, as brilliant to the eye as when I first received it, but as the jeweler reminded me yesterday it's no longer in perfect form. When I first learned of the diamond's chip a few years ago I was sad about the news. Even though the diamond still looks the same, I didn't like knowing it is probably less valuable now.

And yet as I reflect back on the last ten years, there is something about the diamond's chip that feels like an honest reflection of the union between husband and wife.

On our wedding day, our marriage didn't yet carry a single flaw. The day was a grand affair on the water with passed appetizers, a big tiered cake, and one of those candy stations because I had to have a candy station. My dad found a party-till-the-late-hours cover band, and my mom made sure all the napkins matched with the invitations, and other such details I'd overlook. The day itself was glittery, and expensive, and flawless...just like my ring.

And then, as marriage should go and did go, we jumped into real life. The everyday. The confusion about our dreams and how to chase them. The waiting for acceptance letters. The we-have-no-money moments. The law school loans. The job losses. The job acceptances! The graduation. The offer, the escrow, the remodel. The positive pregnancy tests. The terrible CT scan. The surgeries. Moving. Moving again, and again, and again. The holidays with friends, the vacations with family. The infant who won't stop crying. The wife who barely showered for awhile. The husband without eyebrows. The constantly smelly sink and the never ending pile of laundry, and the mostly funny debates about which butter to buy, and why is football on the television again, and do you really have to fart under the sheets?

Ten years later, I know the beautifully hard work of marriage. Many days, most days, my lovely ring is caked with with soap scum and diaper ointment and play dough. Underneath it all is a little crack that doesn't signify a marriage falling apart, but holding strong despite the circumstances of normal, give-and-take life.  It'd be easy to feel disappointed that something that once seemed perfect is no longer so, but that chip was earned. It's a mark of all that's right, not all that's wrong. Unlike a wedding or a ring, a healthy and happy marriage isn't something that can be bought. It's a constant work in progress. I wouldn't have it any other way.

A vacation without children

It's the Monday after our week-long, kids-free vacation. Real life and responsibilities loom a bit larger today, as my salty swim suits still dry out in the bathtub. We returned on Saturday after a week on the Big Island, where we stayed at my aunt and uncle's beach house. (Lynn and Bill, you are so generous! Thank you!)

It was four years since Jonathan and I'd been away for a whole week without our kids, and it felt just as amazing as we'd hoped. I anticipated that Hawaii would be restful—and it was—but I didn't realize just how much fun we'd have being goofy and carefree. We played hard all week...snorkeling and paddle boarding most days, hiking, swimming with huge manta rays, laughing a ton, and making the sunset our biggest priority each night. I didn't fill a single sippy cup, and my biggest responsibility each day was deciding between a Pina Colada or a Beergarita. Sometimes (okay, a lot of times)— I chose both.

We appreciated every second of our trip, knowing that time away happens far less than we'd like, and realizing that our parents both made a lot of sacrifices so we could leave our kids behind. (Thanks Mom/Dad/Steve and Marlene!)

What's funny is that before we left I started feeling so bad that our poor young, vulnerable children would be miserable without us for a week, and weren't we terrible parents for abandoning them right after moving? Let's just say they were spoiled rotten all week, and supposedly didn't ask about us once. I called on our last night to say hi, particularly missing them, and Anna said, "Mom, I'm busy watching Curious George right now." Alrighty then...I guess I'll head back to the beach.

Here are a few things I enjoyed while on vacation, that maybe you'll enjoy too. It's Monday, after all, and Mondays can be rough.

I purchased these Oh Joy bandaids in Kona after scraping my fingers and ankles on coral. I can officially say, I now understand my kids' fascination with bandaids. They're so cute, I just want to wear them for no reason!

I kept seeing these jewel tattoos in various magazines and blogs and had a big crush on them. They look so pretty on tan skin so a beach vacation seemed an appropriate time for a try. I must say, I loved wearing them even more than I thought I would. Also, (shhhh) they are on clearance at Target! (I just bought another package to wear to a wedding this fall.) FYI, Target has free shipping on all items this week. $5.25, people.

Our daily vacation happy hours consisted of  this popcorn + poke + pina coladas + paddle boarding. Simple. Easy. So good. Have you heard of hurricane popcorn before? Dana introduced us to this stuff and it's much, much cheaper in Hawaii so we enjoyed it while we had the chance. (We also brought home a Costco box of it for future at-home date nights.)

I devoured Big Little Lies and finished Go Set a Watchman. Big Little Lies is a page turner—highly recommend—while the second one is a slower reader, but (in my opinion) a must-read for those who like Mockingbird. Don't buy all the "Atticus is a racist and you'll hate it" rhetoric. The story, and the character's thoughts and feelings about race, are so much more complex than average book reviewers are reporting.

Coconut strips. Oh my. Why had I never bought these at Trader Joe's until now?

This pink lipstick is so on fleek, you guys. (Apparently, "on fleek" is a trendy phrase to use these days? This is what I'm told.) Jenny gave me this little tube of Sugar lip treatment, and it smells so good and feels so good. The Sephora sales person says "fresh" is a good color for blondes . I never wear color on my lips but this got worn to dinner every night on vacation. Smooch!

What have you been reading, listening to, and buying these days?