Pushing through

photo credit to Jen Yau

Summer isn't officially over, but our kids go back to preschool on Tuesday so the routine of the school year is beckoning. We had a summer full of travel, moving and visitors—so fun—but I think we're all ready for things to settle down so we can enjoy our new home and do things together as a family again.

This past weekend was full of play and rest. We loved every moment.

Friday afternoon I got a haircut and then met up with Jill. We grabbed an appetizer downtown and chatted about minivans, kid tantrums and what we learned (and still are learning) as female professionals. Then I headed to The Honor Bar in Montecito for dinner with Corinne, the Annas, Meg and Josephine. We are all in full agreement that Donald Trump must go, and we swapped silly stories between debating Botox and the age of our male waiter. The kale salad? Highly recommend. 

On Saturday we got donuts as a family before heading to Santa Claus Lane for a beach day with friends. Our kids are now at an age where beach days can sometimes last more than an hour, with minimal crying, depending on the day. The older crew—Anna, James, Madison and Daxon—enjoy digging holes and chasing each other in the waves while their siblings—Owen, Fletcher, Lexi and Ace—attempt to keep up. The adults all got in the water too (it was so warm!) but not without much drama from me, because I didn't like the shark sightings a day before. The beach was SO crowded, which I loved, because it reminded me of summers in Newport. When it's 86 and sunny at the beach, everyone is so, so happy.

We spent Saturday night at the Santa Barbara Mission, saying goodbye to some sweet friends who are moving. It was still so very hot, and the kids decided that water fights were a perfect solution. I agree.

On Sunday we attended church! Like, we sat in the sanctuary and listened during the whole service. This deserves an exclamation point because we love church but don't get to attend as much as we'd like to. (Between vacations, a virus or two, visitors and volunteering in Sunday school we listened to a service may three times this entire summer. Ouch.)

After church we went to our neighborhood pool, which is turning into a somewhat regular occurrence on weekends (and weeknights too!) Anna loves swimming but Owen cries the whole time. Can't make everyone happy, right?

Then...you guys...I sat in the backyard for an hour on Sunday afternoon and read For the Love. It was BLISS. And the book is really good and a fast read. 

Jonathan has spent the last six weeks trying to get our bikes set up so that we could go for a family ride. We're borrowing a trailer bike for Anna which was SUPER complicated to install and involved selling a bike, buying a new one, and making several visits to Bicycle Bob's. Jonathan has so much patience and drive with this kind of thing, and I'm grateful because our family bike ride to the Bluffs and Blenders might be my favorite memory of summer. One of the best things about our new neighborhood is how close we are to the beach, and how safely we can ride there. 

There's something very special about finding activities we can do as a family that everyone enjoys. Since our kids are still little, outings often feel like more work than play but this weekend we truly enjoyed our time together. Raising little kids isn't easy, and when they're babies it's hard to imagine anything beyond bottles and blowouts. I love seeing our kids grow up, and enjoying them in new ways. This weekend was good for my mama heart. 

Did you do anything fun last weekend? What are your Labor Day plans?

The not-so-perfect engagement ring

My engagement ring has been making a strange rattling sound for a few months so I stopped into a jewelry store yesterday on the way to the beach. The kids and I were lathered in sunscreen and they rubbed their greasy fingers all over the glass display cases while I explained my concerns to the owner. "I think it's loose," I say in one breath, while lecturing the kids in my next. "Use your eyes, not your hands."  

I'd been meaning to do this boring errand for weeks, but taking two kids into a jewelry store is fairly high up on my List of Things I Would Rather Not Do, Ever.

The owner examines the ring while I play defense with the kids. After a few minutes he hands it back.

"You know there's a chip in one of the stone's corners, right?" he says. I nod. The chip, an accident, isn't noticeable to the naked eye but it's causing one of the prongs not to hold as well. "Do you remember how it happened?" he asks with some surprise and curiosity. Diamonds are known to be extremely strong stones, after all. "Maybe you knocked it against a kitchen counter or another hard surface?" he suggests.

I smile with amusement. I'm in a season of life where I'm using my hands a lot. There is cooking and cleaning and scrubbing and moving and lifting and pushing carts and all sorts of other little tasks to keep a family alive. So when he asks if I can remember such an incident, I can't help but wonder, which one?

The jeweler adjusts the prong and quickly cleans the ring before sending us on our way. It shines confidently in the morning light and I remember when I admired it for the first time.

It's been almost 11 years since my sweet man slipped the stone on my finger in front of hundreds of gawking holiday tourists in Rockefeller Center. I was so excited—shocked, really—that I didn't take a close look until a few hours later. I remember staring at its brilliance while the waiter at a fancy restaurant in the West Village poured champagne. ("Are they old enough to drink?" he was probably thinking.)

We hadn't gone ring shopping together, so my engagement ring was the first and only one I tried on. I let it catch the chandelier's light and scatter brilliance over the restaurant while Jonathan explained how he chose just the right one. Clarity and cut and size all meant nothing to me, but for a man who'd just maxed out his credit card, they meant a lot. He talked carats and letters, lengths and widths. Later that night I'd wake up from a deep sleep and reach for my left hand, making sure this valuable symbol of his affection wasn't just a dream. I even went into the bathroom, turning on the light for a peak at it's beauty before falling back asleep.

Today is our ten year wedding anniversary. That engagement ring still sits on my left hand, as brilliant to the eye as when I first received it, but as the jeweler reminded me yesterday it's no longer in perfect form. When I first learned of the diamond's chip a few years ago I was sad about the news. Even though the diamond still looks the same, I didn't like knowing it is probably less valuable now.

And yet as I reflect back on the last ten years, there is something about the diamond's chip that feels like an honest reflection of the union between husband and wife.

On our wedding day, our marriage didn't yet carry a single flaw. The day was a grand affair on the water with passed appetizers, a big tiered cake, and one of those candy stations because I had to have a candy station. My dad found a party-till-the-late-hours cover band, and my mom made sure all the napkins matched with the invitations, and other such details I'd overlook. The day itself was glittery, and expensive, and flawless...just like my ring.

And then, as marriage should go and did go, we jumped into real life. The everyday. The confusion about our dreams and how to chase them. The waiting for acceptance letters. The we-have-no-money moments. The law school loans. The job losses. The job acceptances! The graduation. The offer, the escrow, the remodel. The positive pregnancy tests. The terrible CT scan. The surgeries. Moving. Moving again, and again, and again. The holidays with friends, the vacations with family. The infant who won't stop crying. The wife who barely showered for awhile. The husband without eyebrows. The constantly smelly sink and the never ending pile of laundry, and the mostly funny debates about which butter to buy, and why is football on the television again, and do you really have to fart under the sheets?

Ten years later, I know the beautifully hard work of marriage. Many days, most days, my lovely ring is caked with with soap scum and diaper ointment and play dough. Underneath it all is a little crack that doesn't signify a marriage falling apart, but holding strong despite the circumstances of normal, give-and-take life.  It'd be easy to feel disappointed that something that once seemed perfect is no longer so, but that chip was earned. It's a mark of all that's right, not all that's wrong. Unlike a wedding or a ring, a healthy and happy marriage isn't something that can be bought. It's a constant work in progress. I wouldn't have it any other way.

A vacation without children

It's the Monday after our week-long, kids-free vacation. Real life and responsibilities loom a bit larger today, as my salty swim suits still dry out in the bathtub. We returned on Saturday after a week on the Big Island, where we stayed at my aunt and uncle's beach house. (Lynn and Bill, you are so generous! Thank you!)

It was four years since Jonathan and I'd been away for a whole week without our kids, and it felt just as amazing as we'd hoped. I anticipated that Hawaii would be restful—and it was—but I didn't realize just how much fun we'd have being goofy and carefree. We played hard all week...snorkeling and paddle boarding most days, hiking, swimming with huge manta rays, laughing a ton, and making the sunset our biggest priority each night. I didn't fill a single sippy cup, and my biggest responsibility each day was deciding between a Pina Colada or a Beergarita. Sometimes (okay, a lot of times)— I chose both.

We appreciated every second of our trip, knowing that time away happens far less than we'd like, and realizing that our parents both made a lot of sacrifices so we could leave our kids behind. (Thanks Mom/Dad/Steve and Marlene!)

What's funny is that before we left I started feeling so bad that our poor young, vulnerable children would be miserable without us for a week, and weren't we terrible parents for abandoning them right after moving? Let's just say they were spoiled rotten all week, and supposedly didn't ask about us once. I called on our last night to say hi, particularly missing them, and Anna said, "Mom, I'm busy watching Curious George right now." Alrighty then...I guess I'll head back to the beach.

Here are a few things I enjoyed while on vacation, that maybe you'll enjoy too. It's Monday, after all, and Mondays can be rough.

I purchased these Oh Joy bandaids in Kona after scraping my fingers and ankles on coral. I can officially say, I now understand my kids' fascination with bandaids. They're so cute, I just want to wear them for no reason!

I kept seeing these jewel tattoos in various magazines and blogs and had a big crush on them. They look so pretty on tan skin so a beach vacation seemed an appropriate time for a try. I must say, I loved wearing them even more than I thought I would. Also, (shhhh) they are on clearance at Target! (I just bought another package to wear to a wedding this fall.) FYI, Target has free shipping on all items this week. $5.25, people.

Our daily vacation happy hours consisted of  this popcorn + poke + pina coladas + paddle boarding. Simple. Easy. So good. Have you heard of hurricane popcorn before? Dana introduced us to this stuff and it's much, much cheaper in Hawaii so we enjoyed it while we had the chance. (We also brought home a Costco box of it for future at-home date nights.)

I devoured Big Little Lies and finished Go Set a Watchman. Big Little Lies is a page turner—highly recommend—while the second one is a slower reader, but (in my opinion) a must-read for those who like Mockingbird. Don't buy all the "Atticus is a racist and you'll hate it" rhetoric. The story, and the character's thoughts and feelings about race, are so much more complex than average book reviewers are reporting.

Coconut strips. Oh my. Why had I never bought these at Trader Joe's until now?

This pink lipstick is so on fleek, you guys. (Apparently, "on fleek" is a trendy phrase to use these days? This is what I'm told.) Jenny gave me this little tube of Sugar lip treatment, and it smells so good and feels so good. The Sephora sales person says "fresh" is a good color for blondes . I never wear color on my lips but this got worn to dinner every night on vacation. Smooch!

What have you been reading, listening to, and buying these days?